Grovel Post

So I've been living on a disability check (about 60% of my former meager paycheck) for over 4 years now. I've downsized, culled, sold, given away. I no longer have a storage unit. Everything I own fits into this one bedroom apartment. I used to buy a dozen fresh bagels a week, with cream cheese. I switched to store bought bagels and butter. Now it's sliced wheat bread. I don't go to movies, I have no premium cable packages. I haven't paid for any organic meds in over a year. If you see me at a show, trust me, I did not pay to get in. I rarely drink alcohol anymore. It's cold in this apartment in the winter, and I am bundled up. The heat rarely gets turned on. Some weeks I only start my van up once for a trip into town. I shop at Grocery Outlet. Next I'll be going to Redwood Empire Food Bank.

I have very little left to sell. I peruse on-line selling emporiums to check on the demand for similar items to what I own, and there are very few bids, if any, on them. I have no savings left. I've applied for jobs, I've worked for neighbors a bit here, a bit there. My father used to kick down for me once in a while, but he has little left to give now.

I was without health coverage for about 2.5 years before my MediCare finally kicked in, only to find out that it doesn't cover everything. I have been living as frugally as I can, and look for more ways to cut expenses, yet I find myself in over $3000 of debt. Medical bills mostly, but I am also late on my rent payment each month and am behind in my PGnE bill as well. I also need new glasses as my vision is deteriorating and it's difficult to read this screen most of the time, and we all know how much glasses cost.

I see organizations and web sites such as Sweet Relief, but I do not meet their qualifications. With dwindling options and resources, I turn to my community of friends, musicians and baseball associates. If you can spare anything- $10, $5 or even $1, please click on this button which leads to my PayPal account which I created when I started selling my 'stough' on eBay. Any donation over $10 will receive complimentary invitations to attend any show in which my band plays. I will be grateful to the end of my days.

Thank you for reading this.

Health Update

I have not been writing much since I moved to the Russian River area 3.5 years ago. The 3 main reasons for that are that my eyesight is deteriorating and I don't have money for new glasses (not covered by Medicare TYVM), I can't bear to sit still for very long, and my fingers do get numb on occasion. I am still having a very hard time prioritizing. My 'household administrative chores' as I like to call them, which includes paying bills, usually takes a back seat to yard work or playing drums.

Originally diagnosed as Parkinson's Disease, this affliction I am saddled with is now described as an undiagnosed motor disorder. Although my general physician and neurologist don't say it, I suspect the culprit might be Fibromyalgia. My sleep study doctor in 2007 and a back specialist in 2011 both stated that this mostly likely is indeed Fibromyalgia.

But disabled and doing yard work and playing drums? WT...?

I really do not like being still. I go out and do yard work, sometimes rigorous activity because I cannot stand to be still. If I perform 8 hours of rigorous yard work in 1 week, I am wasted! Same thing goes for playing drums. If I have too many rehearsals and/or shows in a short period of time, I get wasted really fast. When I say wasted, I will spend a couple of days doing next to nothing while trying to rest up.

I have constant, nearly 24/7 sharp leg pain in my thighs. If you have ever had a nasty flu, then you know what I feel like almost every day, but without the nausea. I display many of the symptoms for Fibromyalgia and Parkinson's. Because of these symptoms, I find myself sleeping/in bed for 10-12 hours every night.

OK, the complete list:

ALL THIS:
Near Drowning, age 6 (start of depression?)
Family moved when I was 12 yo (was a bad move for me, I was bullied big time in high school)
Played like a royal fool in relationships
Missing Regionals & Nationals due to untimely major water ski crash
Cocaine addiction
Homelessness
Divorce
In-laws from hell
Bankruptcy
More than 25 jobs in 23 years
Several jobs and bosses from hell
More than 25 homes in 27 years
Housemates from hell
Head on car wreck (not my fault)
0 meaningful relationships lasting >1 year

AND THIS:
Fractured collarbone (age 10)
Numerous water ski injuries (stretched ligaments, torn cartilage, destroyed ACL)
Both lungs have collapsed 2x each, resulting in surgery the 2nd time (in summer, no less. I still have the scars)
Huge shiner from getting cold-cocked resulting in optic nerve damage not discovered until very recently
Epic yard sale on 2x black diamond trail at Alpine Meadows (about .25 mile uncontrollable free fall bouncing off of huge moguls resulting in head injury)
Epic 25' flight over handlebars while mountain biking on Bolinas Ridge Trail resulting in dislocated shoulder and stretched ligaments. I still have the bump. No frequent flyer miles were received.
Fractured sternum from a head-on car wreck that was not my fault

RESULTED IN ALL THIS:
Depression
Anxiety
Tinitis
Insomnia
Sleep Apnea

Bulging Disc
Psiatica
Chronic recurring shoulder pains, easily injured

AND THIS:
Involuntary Muscle Movements (twitches, tremors, shakes, including painful leg spasms from hell)
Chronic Pain (nerve pain)
Chronic Fatigue
Essential Tremors
Blurry & Double Vision (most likely from getting cold cocked about 30 years ago)
Occasional loss of balance
Occasional unexplained nausea

It's not cancer, it's not MS, but it still sucks. Anyone wanna trade their normal health and job for a Social Security check, MediCare, MediCal, Section 8, IHSS and the blue parking card?