walstib, ykwim?

What a long strange trip indeed:
RI -> FL -> RI -> MA -> RI -> CA -> TN -> CA -> ?
Horror stories from the past, to current trials and tribulations; from my takes on the environment, baseball, overpopulation, hippies, jam bands, politics, neurological disorders, sex, religion (yikes!), big money, and pop culture, to future speculations and musings on life after employment; with liberal amounts of sarcasm and dry humour on the side.

Saturday, May 30, 2009

Dear Craigslist Landlord

I would like to take this opportunity to help you rent your home quicker with these suggestions:

1- Put the price, type of rental (apartment, house, condo, duplex, studio, etc.) in the title of your post. The exact address is not necessary in the post title.
2- Put the correct town. If your rental is in Santa Rosa, don’t put Sebastopol to funnel tenants to your location. If I have a specific town I want to move to, I will filter accordingly, and I don’t want to find rentals from towns where I’m not looking. That’s false advertising and I will flag you.
3- Please put your vacation rentals and warehouses in the appropriate categories. Vacation rentals at $299/wk are not ‘housing’. Unless you want someone squatting in your garage, warehouses do not belong in apartments for rent, and I will flag that post as well. Do not put ‘rooms for rent’ or ‘share rentals’ in apartments for rent. You will be flagged.
4- Take a look at other rentals on craigslist similar to yours in your general vicinity and price accordingly. If you have a 2 BR tiny cabin way out in Camp Meeker for rent and have been posting it for 8 weeks at $900/mo and it hasn’t rented yet, you’re asking too much (way too much.) If you have a studio apartment going unrented at $950 a month, it may be because there are several others in the same area going for $775/mo (still too much.)
5- If you’ve been a long term landlord and can’t understand why all of a sudden you have all these vacant units, try reading the headlines. We’re in a depression (thanks to that no good son of a Bush), people are moving back in with their folks, they’re moving in with BF’s & GF’s, they’re taking in housemates by renting out that BR that was an office. They’re sleeping on friend’s sofas ferkrineowtlowd trying to save el moolah to pay that ridiculous rent & deposit you’re asking.
6- Instead of offering a month of free rent, why don’t you just lower the rent? There are plenty of highly qualified renters out there who just can’t afford to spend 55% of their take home pay on rent. Believe me, we are everywhere.
7- Stop charging for credit reports. You can get them free, and I will not pay an unscrupulous landlord $35 or more for something that can be obtained for free, only to find out said landlord has collected credit report fees from scores of potential tenants and only ran an actual report on one or two of the applicants. Call my references first, then we can talk about credit reports.
8- You’re rental isn’t as nice as you think it is. Try this, go to craigslist in your town and find similar rentals and go view them as if you were the tenant.
9- Instead of trying to suck every last penny out of that rental of yours (which isn’t really as nice as you think it is), how about fostering some good will in your community and renting that unit at an affordable rate so the tenant has some money left over to spend in your town?
10- In your post make sure you include the following information:
A- Amount of rent per month, as well as amount of deposit
B- Approximate location if not the exact address. At least the town.
C- What utilities are included, what aren’t
D- Cable TV and internet provider options, is there cell phone access
E- Approximate date of availability
F- What type of unit it is: apartment, house, condo, duplex, studio
G- List amenities and features such as washer/dryer, dishwasher, fireplace, wi-fi, hardwood floors or w2w carpeting, storage, garage, carport, etc.
H- Accurate description of the unit’s size.
11- Be there when you tell a prospective tenant you’ll be there. Call ahead if you’re late (most of us do carry cell phones these days.) I will most likely not be interested in your rental no matter how nice it is if I drive out to Timbuktoo and you’re not there to show me the interior.
12- Give me some time alone to envision myself living there. You don’t buy a car without test driving it, so by the same token, I need to know if I can live in your rental. This usually takes more than 10 or 15 minutes, but I don’t want to tie up your whole day. I may want to take photos to look at later to help with my decision. Please give me a little bit of space to make sure your place is really the one I want. You wouldn’t want an unhappy tenant would you?
13- Let me know about any other peculiarities of your rental or neighborhood. If I say I work the swing or graveyard shift, and you know there are 3 kids next door who raise holy hell every morning at 7 AM and you don’t tell me, I am not going to be very happy.
14- A studio apartment is *NOT* an 1 BR! Stop advertising them as such!
15- Respect your tenant’s privacy. While you may own the building, it is not your home. if you suspect your tenant of any sort of wrongdoing, schedule inspections at least 24 hours in advance. Do not enter the unit if you have not received the tenants permission. I don’t go walking into your home unannounced, so neither shall you pass into mine.
16- Understand what normal wear and tear means. Understand that normal wear and tear comes under cost of doing business (i.e. owning a rental property) and that you do have a responsibility to maintain the property. Expect to see some carpet wear or faded wall paint if you’ve had a tenant there for 6 years. Small nail holes are normal wear and tear. Likewise dust under the frig. Expect to spend some time in the vacant unit before it is 100% ready for the next tenant.
17- You are legally entitled to retain a security or cleaning deposit with the first month’s rent. However, you may not legally request first month’s rent, last month’s rent AND a deposit on top of that. First and last, or first and deposit, but not all three. You are legally required to reimburse deposit less any valid charges for damages (not normal wear and tear) and all interest earned on the full amount of the deposit for the duration of the rental (not the net after any deductions may have been made.)
18- Have a rental agreement ready to be signed by landlord and tenant, whether it is an informal month to month arrangement, or a year long lease. Make sure document covers all terms and situations, and is clear and easy to read.
19- If you enter into a rental agreement with someone who turns out to be a model tenant and stays a very long time, and if the economy starts to dictate otherwise, don’t go jacking up the rent on the tenant! It only promotes ill will towards landlords.
20- Ask your happy tenants if you may use them as a reference. In this market, you can use all the help you can get.
21- Have the tenant’s deposit ready to be reimbursed promptly at the end of the tenancy. More than likely, the tenant will need that money to pay the next landlord’s deposit. Yes I know you legally have 21 days to do this, but if you want to be considered a quality landlord, you will have this immediately ready upon the tenant’s vacancy. Try fostering some good will instead of focusing on that $0.50 of interest you could be earning if you wait until day #21.
22- Lower your expectations, tighten *your* belt. We are, you can, too, so stop being so greedy.
23- STOP YELLING!!! LEARN WHERE THE ‘CAPS LOCK’ KEY IS! Really, it’s annoying and I probably won’t rent from you.


THIS IS AN EXAMPLE OF A VERY POORLY WRITTEN POST:

DUPLEX

Reply to:
Date: 2009-05-27, 11:01AM

lOCATED IN VALLEY FORD 9 MILES WEST OF SEBASTOPOL. PLEASE CALL BEFORE 9AM OR AFTER 7PM PHONE 707876 3349 AND LEAVE A CLEAR MESSAGE IF NO ANSWER. NO PETS

This post does nothing to make me want to inquire about it.


THIS IS AN EXAMPLE OF A VERY WELL WRITTEN POST
Cottage in community

Reply to:
Date: 2009-05-28,
10:18AM

Available July 15th (possibly sooner) One-bedroom cottage (650 sq. ft.) located in charming Graton 5 minutes north of Sebastopol Private front and back yard with apple and plum trees. Hardwood floors, bathtub/shower, washer & dryer, storage, carport. Cottage shares one-acre property with two families who live together in the larger main house. We are looking for tenants who will appreciate their private space within the context of intentional community. Our beautiful property includes a large
garden, fruit tree orchard, chickens, a playground, a greenhouse, and more! Viewing appointments begin June 15th..

Graton Road at
Sullivan (google map)(yahoo map)

I would be much more likely to respond to this post. (Addresses intentionally removed.)


ANOTHER EXAMPLE OF A VERY POORLY WRITTEN POST:

On Private Estate West Petaluma

Reply to: (see message body)
Date: 2009-05-20, 10:46AM

Small 1 bedroom on private estate in West Petaluma. Utilities included. Call
Jxx 707-XXX-XXXX. Please leave a message I will return your call. Thank you

ANOTHER EXAMPLE OF A VERY WELL WRITTEN POST:
Quiet, Charming 2/1, 1100 sf West Sebastopol Granny Unit

Reply to:
Date: 2009-05-28, 12:02PM

Available NOW! Very clean, light and bright, charming 2 bedroom/1 bath on 2
acres in West Sebastopol. Fabulous views, birds chirping, wildlife, fabulous
walking and bicycling out the front door. Utilities included in rent. Perfect
for quiet persons, non-smoker, no pets. Organic gardening possibilities. Located
10 minutes from Sebastopol, 10 minutes from Occidental, 15 minutes from beach.
Move in $3600 ($1200 first month's rent plus $2400 security deposit).Landlord
will need applicants to please furnish personal, work, and landlord references
and a rental application.

Furlong at Bodega (google map) (yahoo map)

Rental Managers- I can help you

Excellent tenant now taking applications from rental property managers. If you have a rental home available, I can help you!

If you meet these qualifications, I will rent your home from you for many years and be the best tenant you ever had.

1- Amount of rent not to exceed $1/sq. ft.

2- No rent increases during the first two years of residency.

3- Rent increases after that will be limited to no more than 5% over a 2 year span, e.g. an $800 rental will remain at that amount for the first 2 years. After the 2nd year, rent may increase no more than $40 over the next two years.

4- Deposit amount no more than 1.5x rent, to be placed in an interest bearing account, interest reported quarterly to tenant.

5- 90 day notice required before lease expires to change terms or revert to month to month.

6- Move in date June 15th to July 1st.

7- References required. Please be able to supply the names and contact info of your last three tenants.

If you are looking for a tenant in this difficult market for your available 1 or 2 BR house in West Sonoma County (Sebastopol, Graton, Forestville, Guerneville, or Occidental) and can meet the qualifications stated, please respond to this post.

Friday, May 15, 2009

James McMurtry "We Can't Make It Here"

James McMurtry sings his incredible war protest song, "We Can't Make It Here" on the Chicago TV show "Corporate Country Sucks".

I saw JM live and this song just blew me away! His father is novelist Larry McMurtry.




Monday, May 11, 2009

ISO West Sonoma Rental

51 yo, single, quiet male ISO 1 BR house, granny, duplex, condo, or bungalow (700+ sq. ft.) in Sebastopol, Graton, Occidental, West Petaluma, Forestville, or Guerneville. I keep a clean home (no pets, tobacco, or illegal drugs in my home), have a guaranteed income, and an excellent rental history. I am looking to move towards the end of June, but for the right rental, I will move sooner. I am looking for a long term rental- 2 or 3 years minimum, possibly much, much longer. I am hoping to find something around $800/month and have deposit money ready now.

Please note: I am not looking for any type of shared rental situation.

Thank you for reading this post.

Kindest Regards,

Dave