"Be gone!", as I hurl insult after insult at the demon to no avail. Paralyzed by my adversary, I slowly collect an allegiance of muscles, bones and nerves, only made possible by the lure of local organic herbs and an onslaught of Big Pharma chemicals.
I call out their names!
Paroxetine! Zolpidem!
Omeprazole! Ropinirole!
Baclofen! Gabapentin!
Buspirone! Hydrocodone!
Help me! Help me slay this beast called pain that feasts upon my sanity.
Oh, Tamulosen, you're back. Spring a leak?
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My legs are on fire. A giant stake several centimeters in diameter has been driven through my chest and pins me to the bed. A lead chain has been attached to that pesky bulging disc. When able to break free, no easy feat, I feel an 18 # anvil hanging by chain from the inside of my sternum. Brain cells drip down the chain from the heat of the demon's blue flame.
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BIG PHARMA to the resue!
Today's Superheavyweight division Bout:
PAIN v. MEDS
Pain comes charging, pummeling hard and relentless. Meds lay still in the corner.
Finally Meds come alive and fight back! Dulling the Pain, Meds get more reinforcements in the form of more doses. Pain relents, but always returns, always, and stronger.
The match ends in a draw.
Stay tuned for scenes from tomorrow's episode, my next 15 rounds of knock-down drag-out.
1 comment:
A friend saw my original post about my health and asked a valid question- What exactly is wrong with me?
Starting in 2006, my right leg would shake uncontrollably shortly after going to bed. These episodes were not painful, just perplexing and annoying. Once the frequency hit 1x/night, I saw my doctor who prescribed a medication that controlled the shaking. If I didn't take this med when I was supposed to, my legs would let me know and send me crawling up the walls. Groggy daytime episodes that felt like I had the flu, but without the hurling, affected my work performance. Chronic fatigue kept me bedridden for a good chunk of my weekends. All sorts of neurological symptoms kept popping up, including chronic pain all over my body, but also in about a dozen specific points. Tests, blood work, MRIs, more tests, more MRIs, sleep studies... Symptoms and testing all took their toll on my work performance. Six years later, MS has been scratched off the list. Although my neurologist says it's not Parkinson's, I read the list of PD symptoms, and I say to myself, "Check, check, check, check, check...." My GP and neuro won't say the word Fibromyalgia, but that is another suspect high up on the list. (Two specialists have strongly suggested it Fibromyalgia is one of the culprits.)
The official list (so far):
Depression
Anxiety
Sleep Apnea
Sleep Hypopnea
Insomnia
Tinitus
Bulging Disc
Restless Limb Syndrome
Essential Tremors
Chronic Fatigue
Chronic Pain
Degenerating Vision
Other strong symptoms routinely come and go, e.g. Sciatica would be one.
I have witnesses and videos of episodes of involuntary motor activity, and episodes of pain from hell I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy, if I had one.
I sleep with a CPAP machine, which makes travel inconvenient. I take in between 6-8 Big Pharma meds each day, which also affects travel. (When I say travel, I refer to staying at my GF's home for the night, visiting family back east, and several hours long day trips to venues to play in shows.)
Pain, fatigue, and vision problems severely hamper my ability to work. I have a difficult time with concentrating/focusing/prioritizing. I used to say that I am the exception to the drummer rules: I arrive to rehearsals and shows sober and on time, I have reliable transportation, and despite not having a GF, I was not homeless. I am becoming spacy, temporarily losing keys, debit card, glasses and other small but important items. My reliable transportation has become less so, as I need a new tire and routine maintenance. I am not homeless yet, as I pay my rent from my disability check first, leaving me with perhaps $350/month for everything else, and I do me everything. I guess I am really becoming a drummer now. lolz.
With no definitive diagnosis in hand, I live one day at a time now.
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