"OK, you've prayed enough, I'll make you better now. Next. You need a job? OK, you're hired. Next. Now Jane, I know you've been praying a whole lot, but I'm sorry, I just can't give your husband a bigger package."
Nope. that's not how it works, folks. He's done. Ciao. Sayonara. Adios. The Gone Surfin' sign is up.
"Do you have any idea how many fucking hours I put in to code all that?! You don't even know 1/1,000,000,000,000,000,000 of it all, and you're wasting your unbelievably short time on that playground I built for you by fighting with each other non-stop? And you let those rich fucks just shit all over the place? War, pollution, asphalt, capitalism... Is that the best you could do? I mean, I gave you everything you needed to get by. I gave you science and compassion, but do you use them? No-o-o-o-o-o.... Well, ya know what? If you don't figure it out fast, I mean really fucking fast, you are gonna find out the hard way what evolution is really all about! Someone or something will figure it out after you're long gone.
Now go! I gave you everything you need. I coded it that way. Now, I've got some Waves to catch.
Peace, Out."
2 comments:
Heh, heh... the old bastard has a sense of humour.
Later that night... I had put pen & paper down and attempted to go back to sleep, but couldn't. I found my mind spinning out of control thinking of all the directions I could have taken that short essay. I had my eyes closed and was seeing colours and lights that I rarely, if ever, see.
Torrential rains pounded the lower Mississippi River watershed. Floods everywhere, water rising up to the second floor on many homes sending those who didn't evacuate to the roofs of their homes. One man, the local vicar, was on his roof in the pouring rain when a small boat with plenty of room for one more came floating downstream. "C'mon, jump in! We'll take you to higher ground." The pastor replied, "Thank you, but I'm going to stay here until the Lord brings me to safety." Two more boats came by his house, with the same scene playing out two more times.Eventually, the man of the cloth was swept downstream and drowned.
When he wakes up, he finds himself at the pearly gates face to face with God. "Lord, I've been a good man all my life- never lied, cheated, or stole, never cheated on my wife, went to church, and eventually became a pastor. I prayed every day, I prayed for you to save me from the turbulent, swollen waters of the great Mississippi River, yet here I am, about to enter the promised land. Did you not hear my pleas for mercy?!"
After a few moments, during which the vicar was becoming a little worried that God was taking his time answering the question, God finally does a face palm. While shaking his head in disbelief, he finally tells the pastor, "Damn straight, I heard you! Did you not see the three rescue boats I sent?!"
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